At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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