They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
