I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
