Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
