she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
