wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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