I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
