He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
