so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
