he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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