He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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