someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I want her autograph on my taint
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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