i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
