The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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