you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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