it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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