either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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