I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
