i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
