I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
