Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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