Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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