Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
