It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
