How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
