bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
this hospital has no fireball
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
