Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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