This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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