Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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