totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
There are leaves in my underwear?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize