I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
