all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
