the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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