she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
