Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
