no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
