I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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