and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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