peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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