and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We are all done wearing pants today
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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