So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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