i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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