Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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