I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
