90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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