u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Your penis caused this!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
