Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
