If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
