I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
