And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
