A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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