I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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