Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
