i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Buhtt sex?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
