I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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