So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
