The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
