sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
