HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
