i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
