Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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