My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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