paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
