Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
