i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
