i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
