You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
