Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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