I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
