Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
